i’ll be back

As you all know The Tailored Mindset brand; which includes social media posts, blogs and the podcast, has been inactive for about 3 months. Please know that this is not a permanent thing. I have strayed away from my own journey of self-development over these last few months and I have not been in the right ‘mindset’ personally to be able to inspire and coach. I have big plans for the The Tailored Mindset, but for now it’s taking a quick pause. Recent events have caused a lot of massive life changes for me that I am not yet ready to share with you all, but do know that everything that is currently going on will be shared in the future. I will also be taking some time away from social media on my personal accounts as well.


I plan to come back refreshed and better than ever.


I hope everyone is staying positive and making the most of their time throughout COVID-19.

– BD

Change – A seed for growth

A wise man once said to me “The only constant in life is change.” It is a popular saying and it is entirely true. Very little, if anything in life, lasts forever. Over time, everything either seizes to exist or is no longer ‘there’. Depending on how you digest this thought will determine if it makes you anxious or excited. Unfortunately, the former happens more often than not. So, let’s change your view on that because I recently had to.

As humans we are so scared of change, we like to attach ourselves to what is comfortable. The thought of changing your lifestyle and venturing down the road not taken is scary, and this discomfort is what stunts our growth. Honestly, the past couple months for me has been a test. I’ve had to make tough, life changing decisions and adapt to a new lifestyle.

Let me be completely open with you, in the last few months I’ve made a sizable investment into an online business that I have learnt to do just from YouTube; which goes live in the next few days – will it work? Who knows, but I have been doing my best. I went from living with a loving spouse to living back with my family – was it the right decision? Well with deep reflection before and after the decision, I believe it was. I quit smoking roughly 5 months ago and haven’t looked back, that in itself is a drastic change that ALL smokers dread; they dread having to leave their little friend nicotine behind.

Before every decision to make a lifestyle change I felt deep angst. I worried for the future, wondered if life would be the same, if I could go on living my life afterwards. Well, the answer is you will ALWAYS grow from change in life! Change is the seed for growth and you need to become comfortable with it to continue your growth. Without change, we stay the same. What happens to animals that don’t evolve? They die, their species suffers. Without adapting to each situation and challenge we are faced with, life leaves us behind. And it’s not even just big life shifts, we also need to embrace the fluid nature of every day life. Every day we are faced with different decisions that could lead to growth. Maybe it’s deciding to go for a hike on Saturday instead of the usual luncheon with friends or reaching out to an acquaintance for coffee to get to know them more instead of spending all your time with the same circle of friends.

Every day and every so often, we are faced with small and large opportunities to grow and try new things. That comfortable feeling you have, the stability that has surrounded you for so long, it’s caused you to stay in that job you hate, or stay in that toxic relationship, or stopped you from travelling to a new city(of course, after COVID) – it’s figurative death. That feeling is stopping you from growth and experiences that could change your life for the better. So, my friends, embrace change, embrace new.

BD

P.S. If you don’t already I highly suggest following these guys on YouTube – Yes Theory, their brand promotes a similar message and they are super entertaining!

Listen to my podcast for men here!

The ‘R’ Word…

I was born and raised in a Christian household. I would go to Church almost every Sunday, I attended Christian schools, celebrated all Christian holidays…But the last 5 years or so I have moved into an agnostic state of mind. Not completely, I do topical research on other religions and belief systems because it intrigues me and I like applying principles from different religions; that align with my moral compass, to my life. Now, I am not yet ready to divulge my beliefs explicitly; because we all know what happens then, but I am ready to continue questioning the big ‘R’ word on how it impacts our life both positively and negatively.

What do you believe in? Who do you believe in? Do you think being religious in any way is healthy? Believing in something is healthy. Having faith in whoever or whatever you choose is healthy. Praying is healthy. Being spiritual and in touch with yourself on another level is healthy! But why? In my opinion, religion brings you a sense of purpose, compassion, community, responsibility and gives you principles to guide you in life which you truly believe will bring you good. And no matter what church you apart of, they all provide you with the above. Now, sometimes being agnostic (which in case you may not know is not believing in anything, nothing can be proven in relation to the nature of God or gods) brings arrogance and egoism. You start to lose your spirituality and instead start putting an emphasis on material things because you aren’t living for any other ”higher purpose” and this is my personal experience. So in the past few months when I have been researching other religions and applying a set of ‘loose’ principles to my life, I started to dial back ego, appreciate the gift of life and the grand scheme of things,and rather then living for oneself I was living for others (this may transpire a certain religion I take principles from).

Let’s be honest though – nothing is all good and no bad. Otherwise, everyone would be doing it. I believe there’s a dark side to the ‘R’ word. I will get one thing straight with you – religion is man-made. That in itself is a scary statement. If I had enough money I could start a church with my own set of beliefs! Church leaders everywhere preach the word of man. So let’s say you devote yourself to a church, a religion, one set of beliefs – some people, not all, succumb to fundamentalism. You now start to lose yourself in a set of beliefs of another man. And man,may subject the community to tyranny of their beliefs. This is when religion takes a step in the wrong direction…This forceful nature can cause people to lose their free will. Across the world, most homes and cultures raise their children with the religion of their kin. Teenagers are scorned for acting out against ”their” beliefs and aren’t taught to have an open mind, or to find what aligns to their values. As we move into a new age, the freedom of choice is ever so important and well, religion does strip away this crucial life choice from an early age and we even receive punishment from our communities because of our curiosity, that’s not right? Is it?

Arguments for and against can be made by all of mankind. It is a controversial topic that creates more unhealthy and aggressive debates than it does positive ideas for life and a sense of cultural diversity. Which is what it should promote. It’s important to remember we all have our own opinions and beliefs, but keeping an open mind is important. Never knock down someones way of life or religion, be grateful to have the opportunity to believe in something.

BD

P.S. This is all my opinion. I am not promoting one religion nor one set of beliefs. This is purely food for thought.

Check out my podcast for men here!

My thoughts recently devoured me…this is how I stopped it.

I have had numerous people ask “Where are the podcasts? Your blogs?” Well, the past few weeks have been tough. I didn’t feel right giving advice while I didn’t have anything positive or constructive to say. I knew exactly what was going on – I had a negative mindset, which produced negative thoughts, which then snowballed into me not having any motivation and a lack of clarity on my daily purpose. It’s safe to say my vision is now clear and I wake up feeling driven. I owe it to the book “The Magic of Thinking Big” by David J. Schwartz.

There is a chapter that focuses on negative thoughts and how they are like a cancer. If you let a negative thought sit without getting rid of it it manifests, then suddenly you talk negatively, you are disinterested in life and it eventually consumes you. So, how do you avoid these festering feelings? As soon as you have a negative thought, think a positive one! It sounds simple but it really isn’t. You have to be self-aware. The way the book explains it is along these lines, imagine your mind is a factory of thoughts with two workers, one is called Mr. Defeat and the other Mr. Triumph. Both men are extremely obedient and snap to attention at the click of your fingers. If you tell yourself “Today is a lousy day” then Mr. Defeat gets to work and starts to produce negative thoughts. If you tell yourself “Today will be a great day!” Mr. Triumph starts pumping positivity into your mind and your outlook completely changes. You want Mr. Triumph to be promoted to Head of the Manufacturing Division and you need to fire Mr. Defeat! The more work you give either men the stronger he becomes. Eventually, with enough positive thought, Mr. Defeat will no longer be employed in your thought factory.

Unfortunately, I have been letting Mr. Defeat run the factory for a few weeks and he has become stronger. But, I have finally decided to demote that man – today when I woke up, I told myself “I am going to kill it! Today will be my best one in a long while!” and my friends as I write this blog; that I was dreading for weeks, I now type with a smile on my face thinking about how great today has been so far.

Do I recommend this book? Absolutely. if you want to become self-aware of your thoughts, understand your brain and take control over life then this book will most certainly help especially for ambitious individuals looking to sharpen their mind.

Stay positive y’all and until the next one…which will not be as long a wait as the previous!

BD

This might be exactly what you need…

Typically, I’m not the ”go for a walk” kind of guy. I would prefer to be at a gym rather than out and about running or walking. I see so many people nowadays posting on social media going for hikes, finding new places and I never really understood it until last weekend – when I bothered to walk around my not-so-suburban backyard that has nature trails. And well, I get it now. I will try to explain this as if I was trying to tell my previous skeptical self why he should get out and experience nature…

You know those nights you go out and everything is just right? The right friends are out, the air is crisp and the right temperature, your mood is elevated and there’s a moment where you are like to yourself ”this is going to be a f****** great night!”. Imagine that happiness and excitement but towards something pure. It’s Sunday afternoon, a beautiful, sunny, winter day and you’re in the middle of a wide open field, the clouds look like bubbles stretched across the sky, the plants and trees in the distance slightly swaying back and forth… I wondered ”Where have I been!? Today is a great day!” This little moment are chemical’s releasing in your brain that increase your happiness -> https://adventuretogether.com/8-surprising-reasons-why-nature-is-the-best-medicine/#:~:text=1.,nerve%20cells%20of%20the%20body. Instead, I’ve been seeing a wall, t.v screens, with 20 other panting people around me – at the gym. While this view has been a 20 minute walk from my apartment the whole time…I was officially converted – once a week I will now go out and find a new place to explore!

I don’t think everyone appreciates the life they have as much as they should, we constantly take it for granted. We have been given an opportunity to walk a miraculous Earth and we spend most of our time between concrete walls. I do it myself all the time. Experiencing the serenity of nature, with no distractions, gives you a love and appreciation that you may have been missing.

So go to a local trail, a lookout, to the mountains, a waterfall, somewhere that isn’t man-made (yes, I know trails are man made but you get it) and take it all in. Then take a deep breath and think to yourself ‘I have been given this life as a gift, I am truly blessed’.

Cheers,

BD

Check out my podcast for men here!

No, you aren’t having a bad day. It could just be what is in your coffee!

I used to think I was lazy because I need at least 8 hours of sleep. If I got 9 in then I’m a perky man the next day! And, if I’m in bed and asleep before 11pm then I’ll be one of the happiest men alive the next day! But after hearing of other peoples sleep patterns, I began to feel as though something was wrong with me. Why can my mate get just 5 hours of sleep, go to work the next day, workout and fall asleep at 1am? Am I just lazy?

The answer is absolutely not! I am not lazy. I am actually a happier individual, quicker on my feet, more sharp in my mind and more motivated doing my daily tasks and sometimes I don’t even need to rely on a single drop of coffee to get all of them done efficiently.

Way too many people underestimate the power of getting in to bed early and having longer sleep. Studies have shown that a minimum amount of sleep at ANY age is 7 hours – BARE MINIMUM for age 18 +! You can thank the National Sleep Foundation for this ”rule of thumb” result -> https://www.sleepfoundation.org/articles/how-much-sleep-do-we-really-need and I couldn’t agree more.

Here is the vicious cycle -> Sleep late, wake up early, ingest multiple coffee’s/large amounts of caffeine to function then you sleep late because you can’t fall asleep early enough with all that caffeine inside of you. “Oh but Bryce, I can sleep even after a cup of coffee. I have a tolerance. It HELPS me sleep” Is it really a deep sleep? You are ingesting a stimulant drug into your body before bed, show me the logic. Have a brief read of this by the Sleep Foundation -> http://sleepeducation.org/news/2013/08/01/sleep-and-caffeine#:~:text=Caffeine%20also%20can%20reduce%20the,be%20stronger%20in%20older%20adults. And, if that is not enough to deter you, here is a fact. We need “REM” (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep in order to feel rested. This is the deepest part of our sleep, when our eyes quite literally rapidly move, without REM your life span shrinks – it is essential for survival (https://valleysleepcenter.com/3-things-you-should-know-about-rem-sleep/). This is what caffeine does -> it shortens the the amount of deep REM sleep you indulge in. “Caffeine dependence was associated with poorer sleep quality, increased daytime dysfunction, and increased levels of night-time disturbance77.” “It shortens life spans”.

Recently, I have had consecutive late nights, I was stuck in this vicious cycle and my bed time became 1am/2am. Coffee/energy drinks became my go to daily beverages. My moods were horrible – I wasn’t as motivated(and if I was it had this artifical feeling to it) I was more irritable, I felt lazy and foggy in my mind, until I finally decided to stop the caffeine for a day and sleep early. If this sounds like you then I may just have given you the answer.

Now I am not trying to get you to stop drinking coffee – it’s great, I love it but I just won’t have it after 1pm. I want more people to be aware that a good sleep is essential, an early sleep routine (before 12am) is crucial, and to whoever else is like me – you are NOT lazy, I know how you good you feel every day!

Go get a good nights sleep. You deserve it.

BD

Follow my podcast for men here!

A small, powerful piece of advice from a world renowned psychiatrist who survived Nazi camps

I just finished reading “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Dr Victor E. Frankl. It’s not just another man’s experience surviving a concentration camp. See, Dr Frankl was a successful and highly intelligent psychiatrist, throughout his time in the camps he was studying man while in their most primitive forms. Doesn’t this study become that much more credible?! That’s why I read this book like gospel.

The first half of the book are some of his accounts from the camp – seeing men give up the will to live, marching with no shoes on in the blistering cold etc. Now he doesn’t put much emphasis on the experience itself but rather what he learned and gained from them. The second half, is his brief explanation of Logotherapy (his own psychoanalysis study) which he believes is how psychoanalysis’ should really be conducted instead of the impersonal and mechanical therapeutic techniques that is abundantly practiced and widely accepeted. Logotherapy is based on the statement that almost any form of neurosis can be directly linked to one’s search for meaning in his life. Frankl pleads with psychiatrists to stop viewing humans as diseases and machinery but to see the person behind the disease. Obviously treatment will be unique to the patient’s situation and the appropriate technique would be applied accordingly, you are given brief examples of treatment in the book.

Anyway, before I continue to bore some people with the above, the man deserves a mention, a recommendation and a brief overview of his work, so he get’s one! Now if this has given Frankl enough credibility then do not take this one small segment from his book with a grain of salt.

Suffering in life is inevitable and it can destroy us mentally and physically. It is the most challenging thing this us as humans endure. How we view and handle our adversity can ultimately determine our fate. So how do we effectively deal with it?

Find meaning in your suffering, your reason to live, your hope and you will outlast all despair just like Frankl. There are a number of reasons Frankl survived the camps, the most important reason is the entire time he never gave up hope, he never gave up his will to live, this led to his desire for survival. What kept him going were vivid mental images of his wife and his purpose to finish his studies and the books he was writing, he even beat typhus; an infectious disease that was killing most men in the camp, with these comforting and ambitious thoughts. This is an extreme example but these were his reasons to live.

If a man can survive concentration camps and deadly diseases through identifying purpose and hope in his life then think about what you can overcome. If you can stay positive through turmoil then no matter what life throws your way, you will admirably overcome it. So,whatever you are going through right now, I promise you, things will get better. You can and will carry on!

So, why do you get up in the morning? What do you have to live for?

I could honestly write for pages about the value of this book, this is just such a small segment of it.

BD

Follow my podcast for men here!

Self Discovery Could Save Your Life

I have recently experienced a tragedy. For the period of a few days, it was nothing but hugs and tears. My life had stopped. Anything that I was supposed to do was rescheduled. The house became a mess because I wasn’t motivated to clean it. My mood would swing from happy and friendly to sad and hostile. I got extremely drunk one night at home and said some very dark things to my girlfriend. It was not a good place to be in mentally. I knew where this could possibly take me but I was not about to undo all the hard work I put into myself over the past few months.

The old me would have let this be a slippery slope into oblivion and eventually pushed every beautiful human and positive influence so far away from me that when; or if, I ever did recuperate, I would of had to build my life and its foundation up again. It would not be the first time either. I had a tendency to hide any dark emotions; but other emotions I was generally open about, I was scared that speaking about them would make them real but they already were real…

So what has changed? Why did I quickly remove my lid and let my emotional juices flow out? Well, I am more aware of my feelings these days. I understand my train of thought. I catch my bad behavior out and I quickly stop before it does any real damage. Being in tune with who you are and understanding yourself is so important. It could save your relationships and even your life.

I am still very early in my journey of self discovery and I urge everybody else to actively go on their own. In the book “The Way of A Monk” by Gaur Gopal Das(I do highly suggest this book!) Gaur describes the self discovery journey as a game of pass-the-parcel. You know the game where you sit in a circle, pass the parcel around hoping the music stops on you so you get unwrap one of many layers to see what gift is inside? Well we also need to unwrap our own layers to unveil our own qualities , and when you get to the middle; the ultimate present, you reach your full potential in life, but it is the journey that gets us there. All the precious knowledge we learn along the way leads us to our fulfillment.

Give it a go, push yourself to know more about YOU and who you are. Because I guarantee there is an abundance of qualities you never knew you had and you will be more in control of your life than ever before.

BD

Listen to my podcast for men here!

Dear Gen-Y, Consider This vs Partying

Throughout my early 20’s I have been caught up in the typical lifestyle; clubbing, partying, road trips, overseas travel, work/studying, dating, but when I turned 23 I had a shift in my priorities and I am so thankful that this happened sooner rather than later. Now I am not saying that I have stopped going out and having a good time, but it has not been number 1 on my to do list on a Saturday night anymore, it is not even in my top 5. Now, Saturday consists of family barbecues, babysitting, movie nights, bonfires and I have not looked back. Here’s why.

I am not saying this applies to every single millennial but I can confidently say it does to a lot of us – we do not put enough time aside for our family. The overwhelming feeling of love, joy and fulfillment you receive when sitting around a fire with the sound of your little cousins laughing and shouting that’s drowning out whatever Australian top 40’s song is on the radio, with a paper plate in hand, a beer in the other, the warmth and smell of crackling burning wood, while having the hilarious conversation of where your Uncle and Aunt used to hang out back in the day, can not be compared. It’s wholesome. I would say slightly different to, and, let’s say slightly outweighing the times, where your ear drums were being pounded by bass, you have two vodka red bulls in both hands, a stench of sweat and puke lurking, and you have minimal motor skills on a slippery floor covered in alcohol and whatever else. When you think about it, it’s absurd why we would rather be experiencing the latter, don’t you think?

Another thing, babysitting your little cousins or niece/nephew. Whether you live with a partner, alone or at home, you can do it. And think about how thankful and grateful the parents will be when you are giving them a night off to relax and kick their feet back. You will be an everyday Superhero to your loved ones, while also experiencing the little bundles of joy and terror that they take care of everyday. It gives you an appreciation for parents, ‘a day in the life of’ if you will, it is not easy but it does feel so rewarding. Slightly different, and let’s say slightly over weighing, the times you had to carry your drunk friend, or be carried by a drunk friend, home in the cold, tired, with little to no recollection of the previous night and possibly covered in whatever greasy you had scoffed down or what’s come back up. When you think about it… you see where I’m going with this.

Now I am not telling all millennial’s to throw out their red cups, because it can be a whole lot of fun. I am just saying, when next weekend comes around, reach out to some family and I am sure they would love to have your company, or love to give you company and you will feel uplifted and fulfilled significantly more than any other drunken night out on the town.

BD

Check out my podcast for men here – The Tailored Podcast!

5 Tips To Boost Your Confidence

When I was I was in high school, at age 14 to 16, I consider myself to have had a very different personality. I was much more introverted and self-conscious with low self esteem. Thankfully, I grew out of this stage and while this may have been because of puberty, it also may not have been as some people are unfortunately stuck in this stage of life.

I believe, and many of the people around me do too, that I am a confident and outgoing individual with goals and dreams but, I to also have moments in my life when I feel like complete sh*t about myself. In order to combat these moments and stay strong, and confident I employ these 5 tips below!

Tip #1 – Take care in your appearance

My mother always taught me to never leave the house unless looking your best self. I know it might be hard at times, especially when you just want to run down to the shops to pick up some milk, but you never know who you will run into, right? Maybe it’s that ex of yours you never thought you would see again? Regardless, you need to be practicing this because YOU want too, not because of your ex. You don’t have to take 1 hour getting ready, doing these simple things every day will have you feeling great all the time! Shower twice a day, morning and night, so you are always feeling fresh. Brush twice a day, moisturise your skin, cut your nails, shave, keep your hair tidy, iron your clothes (no creases), wear a cologne/perfume daily that you like.

Tip # 2 – Exercise

At least 3 times a week for a vigorous 25 minutes each session. I shouldn’t have to tell you this tip but I am telling you this tip! You have to do it. And it doesn’t have to be going to the gym. I get it, some people just hate the though of it. But you can implement exercise into your day in different ways. I have a friend that loves Mixed Martial Arts, one that loves Jiu Jitsu, another loves skipping, it can be anything you want! Try different things and find one that you enjoy, that can be your exercise. It not only releases endorphins and literally makes you happier but it also leaves you feeling mentally and physically good about yourself – boosting your confidence!

Tip #3 – Read/listen to things that intrigue you/that you want to learn about

If you don’t like reading, then listen to a podcast and if you are a male, then please go over to ‘The Tailored Podcast’ for some further guidance. You might be asking yourself how the hell does this even boost my confidence? Well, it does so indirectly. By learning and filling your brain with knowledge on a certain topic, you find it easier to speak about the subject in question therefore giving you the confidence to explain to, and educate, other people in your life! Being a subject matter expert always feels great, especially when others are intrigued themselves about what you are saying. If you love turtles, then dive into the world of turtles! If you love clothes, cats, whatever it is! And the next time you are in an depth conversation, find a way to bring the subject in. I am sure you will impress whoever is listening with your knowledge.

Tip #4 – Socialise

No, I do not mean scroll through Instagram and comment on memes. I mean get out there and speak to people. Practice makes perfect. If you want to have confidence then speaking to strangers is a good way to train yourself to become confident talking to others and in yourself. When I was in high school and my friends and I went out to get something to eat, I made it my mission to ask the cashier how their day was. Simple, yet so effective. Doing this over time eventually built up my confidence enough to eventually approach a girl I was interested in, and as a guy we know how scary this can be! I was rejected and hurt but I dealt with this very well. Stay tuned for a blog/podcast on dealing with rejection!

Tip #5 – Tie up loose ends in your life

This is probably the most difficult one of them all. It can involve swallowing your pride and being the bigger person, speaking to someone you haven’t in months, even years, or going through a period of deep self reflection. What I mean by ‘tying up loose ends’, I mean giving yourself closure, coming to terms with something in the past. This part can either be as simple as apologizing to someone in your life because of an argument, calling your parents, or it could be a little deeper like an internal acceptance of past failure/past mistakes. Personally, I was affected by comments people made about me in high school! It gave me a complex for the rest of my life and I kept thinking that I had something to prove to them. In reality, I just had to accept that not everyone will like who I am as a person no matter what I do. I just had to ponder over this thought for a few days and I eventually accepted it. This gave me the confidence to start this blog and a podcast! Tying up your loose ends will set you free, you will be mentally prepared and confident for the future instead of a worrying in your mind about the past.

So, what are you waiting for? Go shower and start building up that confidence within you!

A small insight to live a happier life and how to look forward to the coming week

As I sat in bed, binge watching ‘How I Met Your Mother’ on Sunday night, not feeling great or excited about the coming week, I reflected on the one that has passed.


I didn’t go to the gym once, I drank too much alcohol on Friday night writing off Saturday, my diet had been mainly bad carbs, saturated fats and sugary food, I stayed home and didn’t go out except to buy groceries, I hadn’t spoken to my family in a while, I didn’t read any of my books, I could definitely make the house a little cleaner…and these thoughts actually made me a little anxious…These lazy habits are so easy fall into and so hard to break. And I wondered why I am not feeling great about the position I am in at the moment?

Sometimes, being too comfortable in life causes more stress than you think. If you are like me and constantly want to feel like you’re moving forward, then it’s important not to stay stagnant; mentally and physically, for too long. You need to be doing something you love so that life feels rewarding. When you finish the last season of your favorite TV show, you don’t feel accomplished, nor do you feel rewarded, if anything it’s upsetting!
That’s because you really didn’t achieve anything or get anything valuable from it…and you are always left wanting more with no real reward!
So, I made a plan.

Every day once I finish work, I am going think about what I want to focus my attention on before I go to bed. Something healthy that will help me to grow as a person & that I get enjoyment from – gym, reading, researching topics I enjoy, making music, learning another language, going for a run, spending time with my family. If I do this every day, by the time Sunday comes around, I will feel like I have earned that time to be lazy in bed.
Fill your week up with engaging activities! Don’t go to work then come home and laze around. And yes, sometimes, you may not have a lot of energy, then do something less physically demanding, watch an educational TED talk, feed your brain with knowledge. You need to be engaged in the activity you are doing.

Conclusion
Enroll in a weekly class of a passion you have, go for a walk, buy a new book, listen to a trending educational podcast, there a so many ways you can feel better about yourself and the week that just passed. You will have a happier life and you will look forward to what next week brings.
Don’t fall into the lazy trap. We all do it, but most of us don’t do anything about it. Will you?

BD